Question:

A couple of years ago I split from my husband of seven years and then I got into another relationship soon after which has recently ended, coinciding with my divorce being finalised.

I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I cry all the time and I'm so desperately sad. I don't see the point in carrying on.

I wasn't so upset about my marriage breakdown because I think that it had run its course.

But I'm devastated by my other relationship loss, it was my hope for the future, I thought we'd get married and have children; he had led me to believe we would.

I feel like I'm too old (I'm 30) and damaged to find someone else now. I never felt the time was right to have children with my ex-husband but now my biological clock is ticking loudly.

I hate being on my own — I don't particularly enjoy my own company but I don't have much else, I put everything I had into my past relationships and all my friends are married so I don't want to be a burden to them.

I have always been in long-term relationships since I was about 15 years old and I really want to just meet someone new who will make me feel better again but how can I when I don't have anyone to go with to places where I might meet a new man?

Answer:

All your worst fears are rushing to the surface just now but you haven't been on your own since you were 15 years old and the best thing you could do for yourself in the long-term is to give yourself a year alone while you get your life back into the shape you want.

You have good friends who care for you so don't start thinking you're a burden or damaged — you are going through a hard time and need them.

Tell them how you feel, apologise for dumping them in favour of your relationships and start socialising with them again, aiming to feel good about yourself without having to depend on someone else to do that for you.

You want to meet someone who truly cares for you, enjoys your company and respects you, but you need to feel like that about yourself first to make sure that you meet someone who wants a strong, caring but independent woman, not some needy individual who will settle for anyone rather than being securely single.

It's not an easy thing to do, especially when you're aware of wanting a baby, but you still have time on your side in that respect.

Look at all of your life — your family, work, hobbies and friendships — and recognise the advantages you have, the changes you'd like to make and where you would like to be in terms of confidence a year from now.

See your doctor if you genuinely feel you cannot carry on, but also try to take up exercise and do something positive every day to get you through this.

You can make yourself feel so much better rather than depending on someone else to do it for you.

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