True Confessions

I caught my husband cheating, but never told him

Woman's Day reader
Friday, February 11, 2011
Woman and husband
Picture posed by models
"I have been having an affair with your husband Tony. I didn't know he had a wife and children - I broke it off as soon as I found out. I am so sorry. I think you have the right to know"...
Woman's Day reader
Topics:
affairs
Being married for almost forty years is regarded as a huge achievement, something many people envy. If they only knew the truth about my relationship.

Tony and I are the textbook case of childhood sweethearts. We met in the middle of high school and have not left each other’s side since.

We married young and started a family, having the first of four children at only eighteen.

We bought a small business together and worked extremely hard, watching it grown steadily. Our one business quickly turned in to two, then three; before we knew it we owned an entire franchise accumulating wealth beyond our wildest dreams.

We purchased a gorgeous family home, put our children through private schools and enjoyed overseas holidays twice a year.

Although we co-owned the business, it was all in Tony's name - that is just the way things were in those days. I had to pinch myself sometimes reflecting over the amazing life Tony and I had made from ourselves, considering we both came from little.

Until one day I received a call at home.

Almost immediately the woman began sobbing down the line gasping for air. "Sarah?" she finally croaked "I have been having an affair with your husband Tony. I didn't know he had a wife and children - I broke it off as soon as I found out. I am so sorry. I think you have the right to know".

I almost dropped the receiver. I contemplated for a brief moment trying to organise my racing mind. Holding back the tears I said sternly "If there is one thing you can do for me, do not let Tony know you rang".

I hung up and I never heard from her again.

Although I was devastated beyond belief at Tony's betrayal, when I put my children to sleep that night, I thought of a reality far worse. Having to confront Tony, leave our family home, penniless and heartbroken. Not to mention the years in court fighting over the custody of our children and assets.

I wasn't materialistic but I wasn't ready to let go of everything I had worked so hard for. Back then no laws existed to protect spouses, especially women, in these sorts of situations, I had actually never even heard of a pre-nuptial agreement until the time of my predicament. I realised I could lose everything - not just my cheating husband.

With the advice of a close friend who was a solicitor and summoning all my courage, I decided to stay - mainly for my children, to preserve the life that they so enjoyed and deserved.

I have never breathed a single word to Tony about the call I received that day. I do not know if their relationship stopped there or continued. I don't know if he has had other affairs since, I suspect he has.

Over the years things between my husband and I remain strained on my end. I find I can't enjoy his company and I have no interest in being intimate with him.

However, every time I think of his affair almost thirty years ago I remind myself this is the decision I made and the life I choose to live. I don't have a loyal husband but I have more than I could have ever asked for.

Your say: Have you ever discovered an affair or been caught out? Share your thoughts below.

User comments
Your a strong women
if I got a phone call out the blue like that I am not sure I'd believe them... I am sure I would not just be able to accept what they said and not say anything. I think I'd have to have a confrontation to find out the truth. I really hope what this person said when they rang WAS true...
People need to just deal with it and move on . Stop rehashing old wounds.
Yes, it is generally fifty fifty, That is the law. But yes in some cases it maybe different where they reconsider the division. But that is only in extreme cases there maybe some change. Go and look up the family law act and the division of property before going on about it. Im telling you , that is how it is. If you cannot look it up and read that is how it is, then obviously people are not looking in the right place. Ive studied it and know what the law is! The laws were different years ago and personal cases were dealt with an individual case basis. Laws are reviewed and changes are made so that both parties have equal rights. Property of a marriage is divided now Fifty fifty.
No the Family Court does not split assests 50-50. My partner met a woman from Scotland. She came to to visit, returned and said she was pregnant. My partner married her. Years later he was left with his daughter(12) and step son(15),she secretly had a termination of another mans child and went to live with a 17 y.o male . She asset stripped their business, over $500,000. In the Family Court she refused to abide by any directions, openly lied even when faced with evidence and many times did not turn up, 4 years later, my partner was awarded the house, she got the money. She had lawyer chasing her for money place caveates on the property to prevent us from removing her name from the title. This eventually forced the sale of the property and with all the debts from 4 years in court, we lost the lot. Just what she wanted. The harassment and stalking by her continues today. No we do not have rights.
"And with the "No-blame" policy of the Family Law Court, the hard-working sole-provider husbands are the oenss that usually end up with nothing!" Um, that is a load of bs. It is 50 percent of everything in a marriage. Half and half with everything. So I do not know what you are talking about or complaining about, as that is how it is. The law is 50 percent, so how did you end up with nothing? They don't leave men with nothing. Not anymore. Its a "no fault" divorce now. Regardless of who did what. So its no good whinging cause you would of gotten half of everything anyway. I don't know how you wouldn't of. You might of been a 'hard-working husband', but you still get 50 percent.You would of gotten what you should of got.Your having a whinge cause you obviously wanted more.It is time people stopped whinging and realise how it is all divided and that law is the law. It is divided up according to the law. And you can't change it. Its all about "fairness".
Men have a warped sense of what is fair.
It doesnt always have to be once a cheater always a cheater 10 years ago my hubby cheated he came clean and after many fights and anguish we have managed to have a marriage that is so much better than what we had at the time. Sometimes these things can be a wake up call to make you relise what you have is very precious and worth fighting for... I am SO glad I didnt just kick his *** out and my kids also saw how much pain an affair can cause a marriage and hopefully will keep that in mind that their mum and dad (and them) had a lucky escape. I am seriously happy and very much in love today. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Although I wasn't married to my partner, we was together for 7.5 years and we were on the verge of going for a home loan to buy our first house together. Then out of the blue, I got a phone call from a women who my partner was cheating with and she admitted that they were having an affairs for 4 years. I ended up throwing him out of the home we rented and yes I was left deverstated, suicidal and ended up with depression. Since then, I have not trusted anyone who trys to get close to me and sometimes I still need the odd counselling or two. Things get better though after a while just have to keep your head up high and remember the old motto ' once and cheater, will always be a cheater'.
My now ex husband had an affair. I stayed only for financial reasons and I had hoped that in time we "could work this out". Now two years late after domestic violence (emotional cruelty etc) I've left and I'm not going back. I wish I had done that years ago. Wasted two good years on him. Yet, on the flip side, I believe my Dad had an affair, and it was the happiest I had ever seen him. Mother was a b*t*h from hell being an alcoholic and having mental health issues. I wish they had separated as Dad would have been a lot happier and we would not have had to put up with the grief. We all stay for various reasons, but even the best of us have our breaking points.

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