True life stories

I escaped abuse and you can too!

Glen Williams
Monday, November 14, 2011
I escaped abuse and you can too!
"The mental abuse started pretty well straight away. He was always making derogatory comments, saying horrible things to put me down. If he thought I was planning on leaving, he would say, “Who would want to take you?"
Glen Williams

Danielle Guttridge is proof the tragic cycle of domestic violence can be broken.

Engulfed by laughter and the lively chatter of her three daughters, Danielle Guttridge is a picture of perfect calm and serenity. Danielle, 26, from Cootamundra in NSW, loves nothing better than to hear that happiest of sounds – little girls giggling at play. “It sure beats the years of tears,” she says, as her daughters Brooke, 9, Breanna, 7, and Aleisha, 6, play and run without fear of the next slap, raised voice or slamming door.

The happy moment isn’t lost on Danielle. Years of unspeakable terror, violence and mental anguish are finally over for her. “I’m living proof you can escape an abusive relationship and restore your life,” she says. “I just wish I’d had the courage to pick up the girls and leave earlier. Thankfully I finally did. “No man has the right to make you feel ugly, worthless or ashamed. No man has the right to hit you, ridicule or enslave you. No-one does.”

That’s the strong message Danielle will be sending on November 25 when Mission Australia hosts its annual White Ribbon Day. The White Ribbon Foundation’s primary aim is to prevent violence against women. “White Ribbon Day encourages men to take a stance against violence, by taking an oath swearing never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women,” she says. Her words of wisdom, like many of life’s lessons, have been learned the hard way.

At just 15, Danielle fell in love with Trent* while babysitting for a friend at a house where he was staying. “And by 16 I had fallen pregnant to him,” she explains. “The mental abuse started pretty well straight away. He was always making derogatory comments, saying horrible things to put me down. If he thought I was planning on leaving, he would say, “Who would want to take you?”

Danielle hoped life with him would improve, but three children later the abuse continued. “He started taking drugs. I’d finally pluck up the courage to leave and then he’d ring and start crying, saying how he was going to stop taking drugs, how he’d make the effort to change,” she says.

To support White Ribbon Day on November 25, visit www.whiteribbon.org.au/myoath.




Related video: Helen Cummings who has experienced the horrors of domestic violence joined Kerri-Anne live in the studio to discuss.

Stop suffering in silence - get help:
From the practicalities of legal advice and accommodation concerns to counselling and support groups, Relationships Australia works closely with help lines and refuges to provide caring and neutral support.
Ph: 1300 364 277
www.relationships.com.au

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User comments
Whilst working isolated in the remote outback, I came across the Womans Day article on Domestic Violence. I placed the magazine down, gazed outside the window towards the searing sun, and reflected on Chris Baths's comments, it could have been me that she was referring to. I was a victim of physicological abuse for 21 years, my self esteem, self worth, purpose for living destroyed by a diagnosed borderline narsistic husband. I eventually walked out from the home and the continual abusive relationship, geographically isolating myself, rediscovering who I am, to rebuild my confidence and self esteem through time and experiences. Despite the thousands of kilometres between us and six years of separation, he still tries to psychologically affect me. He no longer can, through the support of a few meagre friends, believing in myself and through the power of prayer, I have now moved on....even though I got no settlement, I feel far more enriched by being at peace with myself
The totally one-sided presentation by women's magazines of domestic violence is ill-informed and deeply disturbing because it is based on a stereotype. Media history is full of stereotyping eg Jews and blacks have been victims in the past. Now it is men who are always monsters. Why must the media always demonise one group to sell its product ? Both men and women can be cruel and violent.
Its been 10 years for me since I finally had the courage to go.. I tried so many times before but each time went back because their kids need the father or maybe this time it will be well. And each time was a mistake. I tried so hard to be a good wife, but in hindsight I was never going to be good enough. I eventually lost who I was, I was just a shell of a person but something deep inside me my self preservation finally kicked in. I left for myself but I also left for my kids, I now have self respect back and I know I am a nice person who has alot to offer... please please please be kind to yourself and your kids and give yourself a chance at a real life and real love leave them, heal and find out who the real you is.
Dolphin, from the Gold Coast your are more that correct that violence occurs when the woman is the perpetrator and violence from either sex and in any kind of relationship should not be tollerated. I was lucky enough to have been able to speak up about Domestic Violence and I am grateful for every day since my past relationship. Domestic Violence in any form is not ok! Get the word out there...
My mum instilled that respect for women is paramount and thats NEVER ok to hit a woman. She would have taught me this anyway but being a victim of domestic violence reinforced that it's imporatant to teach you kids its not ok. My mum has scares of the violence to this day almost 40 years later. She suffered from verbal and physical abuse for quite some time. Then i was conceived, the abuse however did not cease. Scared to go to anyone for help she stayed. After i was born the abuse still did not stop and now he had new target, me. Things that i cannot utter here were done to me, including the worst of which attempting to murder me. One day after having enough she thought "i'm outta here and your not hurting my child anymore". She took refuge in a womens shelter for some months. Even though we came out the other side both of us bear the scars of this unacceptable act. And i'm a man! Have the courage to make a stand and run if your in this situation. Run!
When i was younger i "fell in love". He was 20 and i, 14. We hit it off straight away. I thought he was my knight in shinning armour. He had a good job and came from a loving home, i thought i had found the one.Then things changed..After going to see him i had i loved him, i wanted to stay. So his mother allowed me to stay and continue in an adult relationship with her 20yr old son whilst i was 14. Things soon turned sour and every word that came out of his mouth was a derogatory comment about me, my apperance, age or family. We then moved into a place of our own. things got worse again. i tried to leave for almost 4 years but everytime i would try his family had "meetings" to stop me from leaving. when i was 17 i had our daughter. not even 6 months later things got violent and he tried to strangle me with caitlin in my arms. thats the day i left! i ran for my life! after the police came i rang a womens abuse line and within minutes i was on my way to freedom!... Ive never looked back!
I fled my ex with my children after realising that he may kill me one day. Had I read an article like the one Caz mentioned it may have been sooner. I knew what was happening was wrong, but I was just trying to survive everyday and sheltering my children. For months I lived in a state of hyper-sensativity - I was afraid that making too much noise stirring a cup of tea or treading on a squeaky floor board would set him off. My family and neighbours were aware of somethings that were happening but no one knew what to do, and nobody rang the police. Looking back now I wish they had of done because I would have gotten the support I needed. Whe a person is in an abusive relationship it becomes second nature to justify what is happening is because of something they have done. It took years for me to emotionally move forward. Whilst I did seek councilling for my children, I thought I was ok. Big mistake! I needed to heal so that my children could too.
My brother has been through hell. His (now ex wife) was the abusive one, she mentally scarred him for life with her manipulation and mind games, he never laid a finger on her. Yet, all of her mates rallied around her. She tried to take the kids, stopped him from seeing them saying he was 'unsafe'. This women eventually lost it all and good job. It happens to men too, women just do it in different ways.
I didn't realise my husband (now ex-husband) was abusive until my mum showed me an article in New Idea years ago that was a "checklist" of behaviours indicating someone is abusive. He fitted every one. It was a lightbulb moment for me. I was in denial up to this moment. Keep putting practical and motivating articles like this in your magazines to help normal people start finding their way out of this hell. I'm glad Danielle and her daughters are safe and happy now. Friends and famliy look out for each other - if you suspect someone close to you is having problems keep an eye on them and ask the question. You may be the catalyst that helps them break free. I am eternally grateful to my mum, family, friends and work colleagues for their support during the difficult times. My ex-husband's family ignored my requests for help and to this day deny he did anything wrong. Domestic violence is never OK.

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